On the morning of Sunday 3rd June 2001 I started chatting on ICQ (on the Internet) to someone called ClarePigFan, because I thought it was an interesting identity. On 24th July 2001 we met for the first time and we got on so well that within two months I asked her to move in with me in Carlisle, which she did on 2nd January 2002.

I always said that I would settle down with the right person, but that I would not just settle for anyone. Of the women I dated before Clare, no relationship lasted longer than one year, and I only loved one of those. But there is love and there is Love. With Clare, it was hard to be apart from her for more than a few hours, and I felt like that after our first couple of meetings. Difficult when you live 250 miles apart! Clare was also the first woman I have asked to live with me.

On the third anniversary of our first meeting I asked Clare to marry me, and she made me very happy when she said yes. Our wedding day was a wonderful day to remember, as was my whole time with Clare.

Although we only had 3 years and 5 months together, I consider myself very lucky to have been with someone as perfect as Clare. I've found it very hard to put into words how much I loved Clare and how much I miss her. Every night I went to bed without her, it was hard to get to sleep unless I had the TV on - 18 months on I still found it difficult some nights to go to sleep in a quiet room. Every morning I woke up at our house in March, I was expecting to see her, and it hurt so much not to. Grief is a very personal thing and we all deal with it in different ways.

It has been said that hard times test your faith/beliefs, and the 18 months from when Clare went into hospital were at times very hard for me. I mulled over and decided to document my beliefs/tenets as part of my grieving/recovery process. I also created a journal of our relationship, and in particular my feelings from when Clare went into hospital. These may help those going through something similar.

Clare left behind three sons - Gary, Robert and Shaun. When she died, they were 20, 19 and 16. Robert created this beautiful web site dedicated to Clare. Clare usually hated having her picture taken, other than at the wedding. There are lots of pictures (mostly from the wedding) on this web site.

I've always been a happy person and was never bothered about being in a relationship, but when I met Clare I realised what true love really was, and how much happier I could be from sharing my life with her. It really does feel like part of me is missing now, but also, part of Clare lives on in me, and in all who loved her.

One day I may fall in love again, and if I do I hope that everyone will understand that it doesn't lessen how much I loved Clare.

I hope people will take something positive from my web site, and this one created by Robert.